it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
