i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
