I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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