I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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