just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
