This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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