Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
