She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found puke in my bra..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
