her vagine was all disorganized.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
