So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
