Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
that's an acceptable place to lick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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