there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
