One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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