I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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