he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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