tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
