If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
