When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
