Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
