he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
