I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
