I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
