i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
