HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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