I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
