Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
