Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
