I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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