It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
