Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
