Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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