If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
