you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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