I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
