nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
