just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i dont even know how to be here
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
