Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
