That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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