I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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