you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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