come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do herpes really smell.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
