Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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