Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
