I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
