So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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