Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
another moral hangover. fuck.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
