just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
