After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A+ Viking dick
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