wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
