i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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